At peace with life

At peace with life

After and eventful and introspective trip I headed back north to for my job to help out the kids I take care of part time. As I was driving back so many things began to flood my mind. Nothing like long car rides by yourself. I can entertain myself with my observations of nature and my surroundings, random in car dances, music, a phone call or too, simply the windows down and music up but sometimes the loneliness creeps in. I was thinking very deeply, pondering the meaning of my trip and if I had a purpose in the place I was returning to. (So much goes through ones head that it is impossible to include in any blog post but I’m trying to remember the relevant details.) I had a clear voice inside me calmly ask me if might time to be on this planet were through and the time for my mission on this world were through would I be at peace with the time I spent on this earth. I thought about my life and despite my many mistakes have I left the world a better place and do the ones close to my heart know I love them. I had peace with my life and if I were to die or if something were to take me from this life would I feel good about my life’s story. Not that I felt my story was supposed to end or was finished but if that were the case would have I help those around me and helped people around me see the beauties in themselves even if not always successful? Again I felt peace. I drove on sinking deeper into thought. My check engine light pops on. Not very ideal when far away from either city you know and the friends you have. The speed limit is 70mph. Most cars are going 75 or 80. I am traveling close to the speed limit in the center lane. A little concerned about the warning light on my dash. Eyeing the side roads for a car place to help diagnose my problem before it gets dark and something goes wrong. Driving along trying to listen to my car for what might be the issue. Feeling the stresses of life starting to build up and cloud my emotions, I begin to worry. I begin to wish I had someone here with me. Bad or good someone else to share a memory with is better to have someone else who can relate. It’s almost rush hour. All three lanes of highway are bustling and crowded with fast moving cars. Suddenly out of no where a loud thud and bang and alarming “BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!!!” is coming from one side of my car. Startled, alarmed and shocked driving instincts takes over firmly gripping the wheel as I watch parts of my side fender fly by my car and into the highway of cars behind me. Trapped in the center lane and slamming on my brakes eyes wide expecting the cars to crash into me from behind I try to get to the side of the road. Cars speeding by on all sides at 75+ mph I can barely get through the stampede of cars. I some how manage to get my car through the flooding traffic and I pull off. I watch cars swerving around my fender and in the adrenaline rush of not quite thinking straight I quickly ran to retrieve my fender from getting run over from any more times and perhaps help the cars avoid an accident. I get back to my car and get my car farther off the road away from the cars rocketing past. I was overwhelmed. Another thing to try and fix another job I would have to get to pay for this. More things to add to my list of things things to try and get to that I am barely keeping up with. I am all alone in the middle of no where and I don’t know anyone. I feel desperately alone. Wishing so much someone was here to help me. As my adrenaline high began to come down the emotional magnitude of the even hit me I almost died. I don’t recall hitting anything, but perhaps with all the traffic I didn’t see it but I stare looking at my shredded tire quickly losing air. The force of the shredded tire or the object that shredded my tire or perhaps the tire was worn out (despite having plenty of tread still left) had completely banged in the bottom of my fender breaking it off from the side of my car. If the air tube (which WAS punctured) had of burst or deflated much quicker mostly likely at the speed I was traveling I would have lost control and would have been run into by all the cars whirring everywhere around me on the highway. I tried calling a few people in my family and friends but no one answered. I felt so achingly alone. However I am no stranger to this feeling. I had the same moments at times during my life in Central America. I am trying trying to think straight and luckily still have an extra full size spare to make the long trip back. Through the tears I shed while changing my destroyed tire I realized the reality of being asked about my life and the possibility of death right before all this happening. I still am a little shaken from it all but apparently I am still supposed to be alive today. Take a moment to let all the ones that you love that you do. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.

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